I Breathe Female
by Racous
Summary: When the 'chosen' males inhale the fumes from Kabuto's accidental creation, Kabuto himself included, they become girls every weekday and boys weekend! Join them in lasting out their days in an all girl's academy! [NarutoFullMetalAlchemistFinalFantasy7 Xov


Pala: Er...yeah. So. It might stink, which I'm sure it will. Er...so, sorry for that.

Disclaimer: ...eh?

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A young-looking child's figure flitted through the shadows of the tall, stretching trees. It purposely side-stepped all traces of light, a leather shoe sometimes seen. It tripped and cursed whatever gods bestowed this fate on it, getting up to run to a huge school-type building on top of the small hill.

In the heavens, small majestic flitting dots of light chuckled as one, merry angelic voices flooding the skies.

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Right now, I'm pretty sure you're wondering exactly what the hell just happened.

Oooooh, long story short.

See, Kabuto had been peacefully experimenting with some viruses to make a new poison for Orochimaru. He was concentrating on the last drop, when a certain snake (he supposed it was the big one that stays out in the yard) oh-so-graciously peered its head in and surprised poor Kabuto.

Who accidentally knocked over a container full of Carbon gas into the pot of DOOOOOOOM—I mean, potion.

Lo and behold, the fumes clogged the room, the whole of Sound, even Konoha and the galaxy as we know it, perhaps even Asmestris of Full Metal Alchemist and Hogwarts.

Whoop-te-doo.

But! Surprisingly, it had not affected all the males, but only chosen males! This made Kabuto feel sort of special, as he was _special, _but the effects of the fumes were not to be desired.

All he knew next was waking up to Orochimaru-sama's voice when he came to.

"Kabuto...? Where are you?"

-------------

"Hm...huh? What're you talking about, Orochimaru-sama? I'm right here." Kabuto sleepily replied. His voice seemed higher—maybe because of the helium he inhaled?—and he felt surprisingly younger.

No, he wasn't old. Just...getting there. But not old. As a certain pervert jounin put it, gray hair does not make one old.

Sometimes. But moving on.

Orochimaru could not believe his eyes. Was this Kabuto, his favorite henchman, who currently had slanting side-bangs (left side of her face? Kabuto always had longer fringes there.), big square glasses and...gasp! Black hair? And...she was tall, still bearing Kabuto's trademark ponytail—only in a curlier form. She –did- have Kabuto's face and eyes, so Orochimaru guessed that if only she dyed her hair silver, she's be a perfect split-image of his superior doctor.

She even looked like a boy from far away!

Slowly and discreetly, the mighty Orochimaru, the feared snake sannin, and a legendary sannin...

...reached out to poke the girl's cheek.

"Ow! Orochimaru-sama!" Kabuto yelped. "As your doctor, I'd like to request for you to _ow! _Stop poking me!"

Orochimaru gasped. Is it Kabuto, now having a major case of PMS? Wait. This girl didn't look old enough to have PMS. "Er...little girl? How old are you? Are you...er...lost? I don't think you should be around here while Kabuto is doing his experiments—speaking of him, have you seen him?"

Kabuto blinked, and then looked around. "What little girl? I'm here? Orochimaru-sama, are you okay?"

"...Kabuto?"

"...yes?"

"You...you're twelve."

"..."

"And a girl."

Silence, then...

Kabuto had already fainted.

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Kabuto, after extensive hours of research, found out that he hasn't only turned twelve, but a girl as well!

Well, thank you, Mr. Obvious.

He sat around the meeting table with the rest of the Sound team, Tayuya and Kin, having fawned over their new "dolls" dressed them up (much to Kabuto's dismay and the others' amusement). Kabuto's suit consisted of a doctor's white coat-thing, a stethoscope coiled around his (or her) neck.

"So...uh..." Kabuto started. He (she?) found out that he was able to change his (her?) voice's pitch accordingly, and it was now in a low, female level. "Good news is...we can change back to boys. Every weekend. Weekdays will turn us into girls."

Nobody cheered. Sakon and Ukon were asleep, and Jirobou slunk off to eat a while ago. Zaku and Dosu were off in a mission and most likely would return after a long, long time. Kimimaro disappeared right after Kabuto came to, and only Orochimaru seemed present in mind.

"That's good, then." The Snake Sannin nodded. "What else?"

Kabuto swallowed. "Bad news...it's a virus, and there's no cure. We can pass it to other boys, so the only solution is to stay with girls."

"_I can't stay with Tayuya and Kin forever!"_ wailed his conscience in its (or her...man, I'm getting tired of this) own altered female voice, flailing its (ha!) arms in a panicked way.

"And I don't want you passing it on to me." By that time, Orochimaru was halfway out the door. "The only thing you can do now is to..."

"Is to?" Kabuto almost dreaded the answer.

"Stay in a girls' school, St. Paul's Academy, until you heal."

Que Kin's happy squeal and Tayuya's smirk.

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The girls' uniform wasn't that bad. All colors the long skirt (which reached up to the ankles) consisted of was a black, dark gray, light gray and white. The blouse was white, and the small bowtie that came with it was the same colors as the skirt. Kin and Tayuya stepped back from Kabuto, smiling at their work.

"We should do something about your hair." Kin observed, looking at the slanted side-bangs and trademark ponytail. "No offense, really, but...you look like yourself."

Tayuya smirked. "Remember, you're going to a girls' school." She paused. "And this isn't an all-Asian school, mind you."

Kabuto scowled. "Yeah, I know." S/He took out a map from the skirt's pocket. "And here are the directions. All I want is to go before the other guys notice me."

"Uhuh." Tayuya nodded absently, toying with the ends of Kabuto's ponytail. She grinned. "I like your hair...it's so bouncy and fluffy-like! And the good thing is, it's not too curly."

Kabuto shot her a disapproving look as Kin smiled. "We should let him go now. He's going to be late..."

"Yeah." The boy-turned-girl piped up.

"Oh, no siree." Tayuya tutted, wagging a finger in front of his face. "Monday's your first day, so then, you'll have to introduce yourself. Kin and I've been to that school before becoming ninjas. Let me tell you, the nuns there are as stuck-up as hell. Do something wrong in front of them and you'd be steered the direction of the Office."

Kabuto raised and eyebrow. "The Office?"

Kin nodded. "Yes. The Office. Let me tell you, it's not nice. But, us girls had our ways to rebel while the nuns weren't looking." She gave a small giggle. "But, moving on. You'll have to say your names, and that's all. But...we have to think of a name where we Otonin can still detect...you know, if you were Sakon or something and all."

Tayuya nodded. "Yes. Teachers like you better if you have a fancy name and all."

Tayuya and Kin huddled up, muttering to themselves. After a few minutes, their faces emerged, triumphant expressions on them.

"Monse's a nice name," Kin stated, as if randomly. Kabuto raised an eyebrow.

"And you're saying this because..."

"Because!" Tayuya sneered, jabbing a finger at Kabuto's general direction. "You shall be...Kabutone Monse A. Yakushi!"

Amidst the girls' snickers, Kabuto was able to suppress his rage into small twitches. "K-Kabutone...Kabutone? By gahs, what've made you think of –that-?"

Kin popped up in front of his face, eyes like stars and hands clasped together, with the familiar shoujo-pink-bubbles around her face. "It's nice, don't you think?"

Kabuto then passed out. (A/N: My, s/he's been doing that a lot lately, don't you think?)

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Soon, after some _smelling_ salts and a few catastrophes, Kabuto was through the trees, silently cursing the heavens above, frustrated at her own clumsiness and that hellish snake --_that hates him, the Snake doesn't say anything but oh, Kabuto's on it...he's going to boil that Snake on a nicely placed fire when he's normal again-- _that began all the catastrophes in the beginning.

Pretend you didn't see that italics thingy. No, really. Because we all know that Kabuto is sophisticated and not venge-driven.

No, really.

However, two people caught Kabuto's eye as she was walking up to the gate. A short, golden-eyed, (and she meant ULTRA short) black-haired girl with a ponytail who was wearing a red cloak over her uniform was walking towards the same direction Kabuto was heading. She had over-sized army boots, to boot (forgive the pun). Strange thing was, Kabuto could swear that she saw a glint of metal on the red-coat girl's right arm. Even weirder , a girl that looked like Uchiha Obito was conversing animatedly with her.

But wait, hadn't Obito died? Unless the fumes resurrected his dead body...nah. Impossible.

So...some others and not only he might have gotten affected by the catastrophe. His mission now is to locate them and hopefully be able to heal them.

Kabuto adjusted her black jacket and nudged the straps of her heavy backpack as a female guard opened the huge gold-painted gates. He (she!) gave a low whistle as she looked at the huge buildings.

"Classy. And amazing." Kabuto added as she hailed a passing tour cart-looking vehicle. The female—goodness, everything there was female, in a regal kind of way and not in a flowery kind of way, that Kabuto was happy of—driver gave a chubby smile as they boarded.

"So." The driver started, peering at the Otonin using the mirror. She drove up to one of the buildings. "You a new 'un?"

"Yeah." Kabuto nodded, getting on the vehicle. "I was just recommended to study here by my...father."

"Oh really?" the woman had a slightly gruff voice, yet there was a touch of softness in it. Kabuto gave a small inward cringe. Are these women always kind? They need some toughness driven into them or something. "D'you still need a ride to the registration office?"

"My application has been sent here already, I think. All I need to do is to get map around this place." Kabuto looked around. "Say, this place is huge. I've been told that nuns run this place."

The lady driver nodded. "St. Paul Academy is prestigious. It's known for the high level of academic standards and balanced entertainment periods. There are a lot of nuns 'round here, and they're mighty strict. Nobody pays attention to them, anyway, yet they still put up with us. I think it's because they like the ruckus students make when the students don't see them."

Kabuto smiled once they stopped in front of the staff building with a loud 'barumph' of the car tires. "Thank you. Er...I have to go. Y'know...make my presence known and all."

"Alright. Take care." The gruff woman drove away.

The halls were a frightening white, but the trash bins were almost up to the brim with trash. Kabuto was relieved for finding a map of the school in a holder near the entrance—if she hadn't, she would've gotten lost amidst the gargantuan pillars of the pristine white building. Kabuto pushed up his glasses in the usual Kabuto fashion as she trotted casually to the Principal's Secretary office.

Kabuto dumped her bag outside of the door, adjusting her black jacket around her shoulders as she pushed the door open. The scent of office papers was welcome to her senses as she located a free chair to sit on. There were three other occupants, and Kabuto supposed that they were also new students. Two of them were the girls he spotted upon entering the school.

There was also a black-haired girl with a smaller version of Kabuto's slanted side bangs. She had shoulder-length hair and startlingly green eyes. Kabuto glanced at the girl and blinked.

She looked like that guy on the newspaper when the place was overflowing with rumours about a guy named Sephiroth and some kadoo or another.

But, as interesting as these people seemed, Kabuto wasn't keen on starting conversation just yet.

An elderly woman came out from the door adjoining the principal and secretary offices. There were wrinkles, alright, but the lovely glint of mother eyes peered over small, half-moon glasses.

"Oh...I see that these are our new students? I'm very sorry. My secretary called in sick today. I just knew that you were coming now."

The Obito-look alike snickered as little miss red coat elbowed her at the side. The one with green eyes looked on, amused, yet did not speak. Sensing that the greeting was left to her, Kabutone spoke up.

"Ah. Good morning, M'am." Kabuto reached out a hand for the woman to shake, which she did.

"So that means that you're the principal, the Big Momma, right?" the ponytailed girl interrupted. Kabuto winced. That was rude. Though, instead of punishing the girl, the principal smiled.

"Well, yes, yes I am. In a way, I am your second mother. I'll be taking care of the school, after all."

"Are you one of the nuns?" The green-eyed one asked, flipping a strand of hair away as if fell in front of her vision. The woman chuckled.

"Yes, that too. But don't worry, I'm not uptight like the others." The Principal gave a fake scowl. "Really, they need to understand that times change." She giggled. "The young need to be on a leash, that's right, but we can't always keep the leash to tight as we might choke the dogs."

At that comment, little miss red coat visibly winced.

"Oh, and by the way, call me Mrs. Artuz." Mrs. Artuz smiled, completely oblivious to the golden-eyed girl's reaction to her 'dog' statement. "May I know your names too, please, so that I can locate your names and room sections?"

The four girls looked at each other uncertainly, then looked away. Kabuto decided that she should break the silence once more.

"Er...yeah. So. I'm..." she struggled a little bit to remember the name Kin and Tayuya gave her. "er...Kabutone Monse A. Yakushi."

"Hi Monse!" The Obito-look alike grinned and waved. Kabuto gave an absent-minded wave in return. This girl...was really puzzling. Alright, so Kabuto passed by Obito's dead body once or twice while walking by the huge boulder that crushed him, but the medic nin didn't care about it much.

It was only amass of rotten meat and stinking flesh to him...or her.

"Please, call me Kabuto. I know it sounds male, but it's comfortable for me."

"Yeah, sure." The red coat-wearing girl from the other side of the room shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat. My name's Zara Edwarda S. Elric." At the others' questioning glances, she sputtered. "I had a weird mother. She was expecting a boy, so she had to alter my name into a girl's. Call me Edward."

Kabuto blinked. Elric...? That sounded familiar. Maybe when she had read those volumes about alchemy she had stumbled upon the name Elric. "Edward, if I may ask, are you related to the great Hohenheim Elric of Light, one of the greatest alchemists in history?" Kabuto raised an eyebrow. She took note of the split second where Edwarda's expression darkened.

"Yeah, Kabutone. I knew him, alright." The golden-eyed girl glared at the ceiling, having transferred to the large couch and sprawled over on it a few minutes ago. "Great bastard, really. Real blow to the family."

Mrs. Artuz sighed. "Dear girl...you might call me a stuck-up witch, but you are all still 12 years of age. The other younger girls look up to you as role models. Please avoid cursing."

"Yeah, yeah, sure." Edwarda shrugged absently. "I'll try to, I promise."

"That's a good attitude." Mrs. Artuz smiled warmly. An awkward silence descended on the room for a split second before the Obito-look alike spoke.

"I'm Alexandra Obitose C. Uchiha!" She grinned cheekily, goggles flashing in the light. "Nice to meet you all! Call me Obito, please."

Kabuto's eyes widened. Uchiha? Is this... "Hey, Obitose, are you familiar with Sasuke Uchiha? Wasn't his clan already wiped out?"

Obitose looked as if she just made a big mistake. Edwarda slapped her forehead and groaned.

After a few choking sounds, Obitose grinned again. "Oh, really, Kabutone? Well...I came from Asmestris." At that point, Edwarda started choking on the candy she was eating from the secretary's desk. Obitose ignored her, and continued, "Maybe this Sasuke guy and I just have the same name. I sure as hell don't have the Sharingan, that's for sure."

Kabuto nodded. That reason was...reasonable enough. She saw Edwarda give Obitose a small high-five from the corner of her eye.

But wait...how did Obitose know about the Sharingan...?

The girl with green eyes 'ahem'ed, then spoke. "I'm Kadaji Elise A. Phiroth." (A/N: Ya know...Kadaj from Final Fantasy VII? I just made up the last name for him XD) Kadaji paused, then thought of what to say. "So...call me Kadaj."

Obitose looked at her in disbelief. "No way! You have the same name as that guy who started the whole Jenova thing!"

Kadaji cringed. Kabutone coughed lightly. "Jenova thing. Yeah, smart thing to say." she glanced at Kadaji. "Er...Kadaji, you don't believe in that stuff, or do you? Just asking so that...you know." Kabuto gestured with her hands in a way that signaled her utter loss for words. Kadaji shrugged.

"I 'unno...that reminds me...everyone around this place has black hair, don't they?"

Kabuto clapped inwardly. Eh, she had to give some credit to the poor girl. There was at least effort in the changing of topics. If Mrs. Artuz herself was suprised at the sudden change, she didn't show it.

"Er...well, no." Mrs. Artuz said. "Not really. Only a few black-haired people here. So...moving on to classrooms..."

Kabuto's eyebrow raised. "Original form was original hair color..." Kabuto mused to herself. "And...after transformation...it became black. So does that mean..."Black hair? Wait...she had black hair when she became a girl, and silver when he was a boy. Does that mean that a way to mark those infested with the gas is...through black hair? Reasonable, but no proof yet. She was brought out of her musings when Mrs. Artuz handed them each a slip of paper.

"You'll get the same class plans, I'm sorry to say. Will it be alright?"

"Yes, of course." Kabuto found herself agreeing as she fixed her bowtie and pushed up her glasses.

Obitose agreed, goggles flashing as she nodded happily. "All the easier for us to...get familiar with the place."

"Birds of the same feather flock together." Edwarda quoted, arms behind her head and golden eyes blinking boredly. Kadaji nodded, green eyes glancing at the clock, and the door out.

"Only this time, it's new students against this school."

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Pala: I'll stop here. XD So...is it good? Tell me your opinions in the review, please! 


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